What is First and Only?

First and Only dating is a fun and interesting date where pressure and anxiety don’t exist. It’s a one-time date with no potential second date or continuing relationship. It’s generally a more elaborate and fun date than your regular tryst. The most important element is that both people are fully aware from the outset that it is indeed a First and Only date and not a conventional social encounter.

Dating has stopped being fun and real. It’s not uncommon for a fake persona, or a ‘dating mask’ to be worn – basically being the person you think your date wants you to be rather than being yourself (there is a host of reasons for this we can get into later). First and Only overcomes this becomes there is no benefit in not being yourself and doing what you want, ordering what you want on the date because no matter how charming or perfect you act there is no second date or future. It makes you live in the moment of the date and enjoy it for what it is.

Oh yeah, sex is off the table with a first and only date.

Dating History

Sometime’s to look forward we need to look back and let history help us understand where we’re going. Let’s look at how dating came to be;

Before dating, courting was the common method of getting to know a partner before committing to a lifelong marriage with them. This was traditionally done under the watchful eye of the woman’s father in their home. Love was thought about fancifully but predominantly once courting had begun it would end in marriage and would often be for family stability and convenience rather than anything resembling love.

The Victorian era in England in the 1800s reinforced the fact the marriage should be for love through the propensity of love in the literature at the time (Austen, Dickens, Carroll, Byron, Tennyson). The industrial revolution coincided with this and empowered women with jobs and some step towards independence.

As women’s rights grew they were able to take more control of their lives and decide who they would date. This was the real start towards modern dating – around 1900. The huge wage discrepancy between men and women is how the tradition of the man paying for the date came about.

History is a little shady from here due to the controversy of it all. As a women, going on a date and having the man buy you dinner was likened to prostitution. There is even some records of prostitutes complaining about women that were dating men because it was detracting from their business.

And that’s the start of dating – it was mainly linear from there, women gaining more rights and having more control (we never really hit true equality unfortunately) and dating becoming accepted widely. That is, until we hit the recent years with online dating and dating apps becoming so influential, but that’s a post for another time.